ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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