So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
