You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
