420 ftw
I wish i was in the wii world.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
