Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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