god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
