dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
