dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize