So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
