throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
