I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
