The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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