It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize