i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize