the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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