Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
