The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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