I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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