Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
