I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
