another moral hangover. fuck.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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