Just cropdusted the office
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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