I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
