Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
