After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
