your thong is hanging out like whoa
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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