she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
