God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
