There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The air was thick with penises
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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