Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
