Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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