you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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