if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
