He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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