I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize