Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There's always time for handjobs
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
