sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
