dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
