so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They took my balls.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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