He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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