She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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