What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
only you would photoshop your dick
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
