If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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