i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
