Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
