My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
