She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
try to milk me bitch
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