She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize