can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
