if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
