booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
