Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
