Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
false alarm. still invincible.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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