the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I love you.
Bad choice
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