how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
