Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
