She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
