i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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