I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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