I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
