What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Can I color on your dick again?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
